Chinese Treats are Not Treats

Here’s one thing that confuses me and my big mouth..


Why do Chinese treats taste so savory?
I feel very lucky that I work in a happy and friendly environment. My teaching job has me running all around the place like office buildings, schools and learning centers.

But the central control unit of my spinning chaotic world is my desk in my shared office. Joining me in the office every day are eight of the loudest, friendliest educators in China. Every day these women have roaring conversations that must be absolutely hilarious because there is always at least one woman who has broken down into tears she’s laughing so hard.
I start to feel self conscious sometimes being the only moron who doesn’t understand, so I slap a look of artifical glee across my face so that I’m not looking like a sad sack through the merriment.


Anyway, one of the by-products of working in a happy Chinese office with extremely loud and friendly Chinese women is the treats they bring in everyday. Every day without fail someone brings in a bag or a tray of treats of some kind and gives one to everyone, and you have to eat it. Treats like liquorish covered berries, things that look like caramel but taste like seawater, seaweed, black things that taste like what I imagine tires taste like, and big biscuits that are so bitter they make me splutter and cough.

The question every day as I swallow these monstrosities and feel them stabbing my throat with tiny knives on the way down is why? What’s wrong with sweet??

There are sweet things to eat in this country! I’ve found them! Why doesn’t anyone bring anything to share that is melt-in-your-mouth caramelly, chocolaty goodness?

I’ve decided the task is up to me. What should I bring? If there’s a way to cause offense by doing this please inform me because otherwise I guarantee I will inadvertently find it.

I will source a sweet treat so delightfully delightful that it will change their world’s forever. More likely cause them to grimace as they swallow and force a look of fake enjoyment on their faces for a change.
They really can’t understand why I don’t like the things they bring, they can see through my lies every time as I proclaim to love random things like red squishy things covered in salt or green strips that taste like burp.
Perhaps it’s my western upbringing full of sugary snacks and drinks that have ruined my tongue for other flavors, oh God. Maybe blue stretchy things with blackish green tar on the inside that taste like rotten apple is actually delicious. Maybe I’m the problem!

2 thoughts on “Chinese Treats are Not Treats

    1. Haha! Well then the eldest educator is the winner, she eats these strange little fruits that smell like the Black Death. When she opens them I see a skull and crossbones float out in a haze like in Bugs Bunny

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