Pop Ups for Grown Ups

My computer was supplied by my company and it seems to have been used by people doing similar jobs since the middle ages because it has aged beyond horribly.
My favorite aspect of this pile of junk is the pop-ups.
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Every morning after I turn on my computer and wait roughly six weeks for it to finish booting up, I am greeted by many pop-up ads.
I know the first thing that comes to the mind of many busy professionals is the thought to leave the computer on or in sleep mode overnight, but no, I’m at a company that checks and sends passive aggressive messages late at night so I cannot get away with power wastage here.
Anyway, there are many pop-ups, some for weather and most for news, and always really shocking news at that.
When you’re a pop-up maker in China you need to be the most shocking in the country because pop-ups are plentiful and you need yours to be the most intense to be clicked. Today’s news ad was for a husband waking up next to his dead wife who had died in her sleep. Of course, I don’t know that from reading the ad but somehow there was a large, high quality and well lit photo. I shudder to wonder whether it’s staged with the actual person and his dead wife or whether production companies exist to reenact these things.
Pop-ups are so plentiful here because Chinese companies are encouraged to use Chinese software, which is almost always free, and is written in the Chinese language so what’s the drawback? This software in my experience seems to be completely covered in adware, malware, and all the wares, which results –always –in giving me the slow and mundane task of uninstalling it all.
My favorite pop-ups, however, that I would never get rid of in a million years are the porn ones. Now hold your horses – I’m not a scumbag checking out porn at work. Remember that this is China and porn is illegal.
Because of this, I have porn equivalent pop-ups that want me to click them and they’re seriously hilarious.
In one of these ads the very physically blessed woman in the ad is feeling very cold.
She’s holding her stomach trying to warm herself (never covering the . . . selling points. Although let me remind you that she isn’t actually naked, just very attractive).
After a few seconds of watching her suffer, you, the viewer, are offered a cape that you can click and drag over to drape on her. The video even shows you a scenario of what were to happen if you did.
She becomes extremely happy and wraps (almost) everything up and becomes warm. Suddenly the ad fills with other cold women and you’re swimming in women that need your help . . . if only you would click the ad.
The selection is not limited to only that one. There are many others and although they’re not naked and there’s no sexual act taking place, it’s definitely in my opinion a porn substitute. It makes me feel some level of admiration for whoever could dream these fantasies up.
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In my mind I see porn everywhere here, the clothed kind displayed right out in the open. It’s a whole country of people being protected from actual porn by the Government, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want it.
Instead we get a lot of advertisements, popups and anime that is just so so close, but not quite all the way there.
To me this is actually hotter than real porn that shows you everything, this pseudo porn keeps you wondering about whats hidden and that keeps you thinking about it longer.
I’m sure if they legalised it people would care far less about it.
Although no one would turn up to work for a week.

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